Thursday, October 25, 2007

Reflections on divorce, and our last tutorial

In our last social psychology tute, one of our 'changes' to Australia that we discussed we would like to make is to lower the divorce rate, as it was shocking to hear a statistic that 50% of marriages end in divorce. Of course this has impacted on the rate of people getting married in the first place- would like to marry, would NOT like to be divorced! Our plan was to reduce the divorce rate by making it HARDER to get divorced. This might involve having a minimum of 3 counselling sessions before the legal avenue could be taken. Either that, or make it harder to get married in the first place! It seems so many people have romanticised views of marriage and dont forsee/are not willing to put in the hard work that comes with it. My grandparents have been married for 50 years next year, and when we ask how they made their marriage work they told us grandkids that there had been plenty of times when one or both of them had wanted to leave because it had been too hard. However, they maintained that they didnt leave- they stayed and worked on it, and now their marriage is stronger than ever. As we all know from our psychology/counselling courses: conflict is inevitable. So do we just run away when things get hard? As we also know from Social Psychology, passionate (romantic) love only lasts for 1,2,3 years at the most, so what do married couples anticipate will happen when this wears off? This is where the good old 'birds of a feather flock together' seems sensible. Marry your best friend: someone you respect, who has the same values, goals, dreams, interests, and attitudes of commitment towards marraige and then hopefully you'll have enough to sustain you :)

One more point on Moniques stigma comment: i completely agree. In Australia, divorce has become so normalized that people dont give it much thought. When i was living in Poland, i discovered that divorce was associated with a negative label... it wasnt socially acceptable to have a failed marriage. Consequently the divorce rate in Poland is extremely low! Is this because their marriages are better? doubtful. They have less conflict? Unlikely... so we're left to conclude that perhaps they work at it harder, and that if our society was less accepting of divorce then our divorce rate would be lower as well!

5 comments:

Monique said...

Hey Lauren,

Thanks for the reply, I do aim to look at different divorce rates in difference countries and see social patterns involved, so thanks for the help.

Additionally, when I was looking at this I had to ponder, as I said in my blog, both in the past and present relationships have hard times, so is divorce better than staying in an unhappy relationship? And will the relationship improve if people just suck to it or did they live unhappily from then onwards.
A study I found said that couples who were unhappiness but stayed together reported being happy many years later. So maybe it is just about sticking to it!!

James Neill said...

Maybe also free, compulsory (?) pre-marital counselling sessions too? And a free "relationship manual".

Rach said...

Hi Lauren and Monique interesting topic, I did an essay for sociology a couple of years back which questioned if marriage as an institution was still valued and useful today (giving evidence to the rising divorce rate).
One interesting finding that stuck with me was in 2000 there were 21, 200 (19%) of marriages in which one party had been previously married, and 16, 700 (15%) in which both partners were remarrying. So 34% off all marriages in 2000 had at least one person marrying for a second time (of all those people remarrying 92% were remarrying from divorce, opposed to being widowed). To me I took these statistics to mean that people aren’t getting divorced because the don’t believe in marriage or think its too hard, rather they are taking advantage of the family law act of 1975 and leaving unhappy marriages to search to find a ‘happy’ marriage (which as our text points out has many benefits).

Australian Bureau of statistics, 2000, Australia, Marriages and Divorces. 3310.0, 5-101.

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